I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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