So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
