haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Randomize