Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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