need another drink. this is the easiest way
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
