shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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