dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
