He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
FUCK WHALES
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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