Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
