Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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