Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
