You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
