i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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