His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
