woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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