You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize