mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
