He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
