I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
