just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
