im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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