Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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