Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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