New invention idea: vibrating tampons
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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