I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
