found the other keg... it's in the tree
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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