dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
