...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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