I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
