I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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