the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
