don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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