You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
