Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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