Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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