Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
