why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
