Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
