how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
My vagina just recognized that song.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
