Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
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