We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
