how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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