i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
