hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize