dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
