Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
