Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
