did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
