remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
