please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
