Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
