i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
