He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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