Tell her she can't have a vagina
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
