I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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