This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
