i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
