ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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