Kareoke will never be a sober sport
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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