break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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