We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
