apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
