you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
