i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
