she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize