I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm always down for nudity.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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