So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
