I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
