you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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